In the demand for change

I do want change

Not just as a woman who was made to feel exploited, demeaned and unduly objectified, but as a human who believes to be possessing as much  power as any other

I do want change

But not just through justice and laws handed down vertically in this system of hierarchies,  but request for change horizontally

I do want change

But not as a result of a violent manifestation of my repressed anger and frustration, I want change as a way of thinking, a way of life

Yes, Yes, Yes I do want change

But not at the cost of or as a reaction to another fellow being’s sacrifice, I want change from within, from every human’s core

I want change

I want change, in the way mothers raise their sons and daughters, in the way fathers dominate, in the way husbands treat their wives, in the way women are taught to be meek in even the supposedly open-minded households

I want change in how my sex organs are called CHHi Chhi

I want change in how schools teach us to tie our hair in red ribbons and protect virginity

I want change in the depiction of an ideal child, I want change in interpretations of religious concepts revolving around the  ideal man and ideal (dormant?) woman (burdened with servitude?)

I want change in parents’ subdued reaction to boys drawing mustache on dolls’ face or bullying sisters in other forms

I want change in how the men are supposed to devour food before the womenfolk at family dinners

I want change in how sexual abuse is so prevalent that every grandmother must have heard stories from grandchildren only to never be retold and be hidden in oblivion

I want change in how at the age of twelve many of my gender are not to wear shorts anymore while going for a bicycle ride, while members from the other gender may continue to do so till the end of life, causing us to admire their beautiful hairy legs while hiding ours, despite our frequent visits to the saloon for a painful waxing session to fit into the concepts of beauty and aesthetics

I want change in how girls’ schools change uniforms once students reach puberty

I want change in how boys are never sensitized about menstrual cycle along with their fellow classmates.I want change in how sanitary napkins are sold in hideous black polythene bags and women are told by women to not visit Holy places in that time period

I want change in how chapters on reproduction are generally either removed or skewed in school education

I want change in how (on our way to school) we would giggle on glancing at the posters by sexologists who are to advertise stealthily or crassly

I want change in how the movie “Japaani prem katha” being screened in a blue movie hall next to my overly sanctified school, had posters that depicted only blue ink. I want change in how easily we accept this hypocrisy.I want change in how we make, look at and treat porn, I want change in how a woman suddenly is called a “bitch who asked for it” and men thought of “teaching her a lesson”?

I want change in how many mothers react the most to their daughter’s male friends and encourage their sons to flirt with girls (along with cheesy jokes and stupid giggles)

I want change in how fathers insult their teenage daughters when they FINALLY begin to explore sexuality

I want change in how family members tease young women on obesity and ask them to idolize plastic faces and anorexic figures causing deeply rooted hatred or dislike for their own bodies

I want change in how women mock at other women who might not dress, look or carry hairstyles  as their own

I want change in how women can sell anything from stinking deodorants to men’s shaving cream or well even Asia’s biggest real estate fair

I want change in how sex is either blatantly denied or mockingly despised in a state of pretense or (I guess) delirium until your honeymoon

I want change in how most women in India don’t know the optimum size of lingerie that would suit their body because neither  their mothers or teachers or friends did.I want change in how women suddenly purchase new lingerie before marriage as guided by yet again women who were guided by yet another set of women

I want change in how men don’t wash their undergarments themselves , well mostly

I want change in how women are to dress to die under the weight of their jewelry and 30 Kg dresses on the day of wedding

I want change in why models are unreal or surreal but not somehow real

I want change in people opting for female pets mostly if they want to earn money via breeding, I want a change in how they treat them as a machine

I want change in how parents call their daughter at least 50 times more than their sons to know if they are safe and not raped

I want change in how even the thought of making love to my man before marriage unconsciously scares me, reminds me of fake concepts of morality and esteem, societal pressures in the guise of self respect

I want change in how I have a different set of  extreme clothes for different places, (full sleeves, no neck) salwar kameez for field visits, deep necks for birthday

I want change in how men are given a much shorter paternal leave causing the woman to spend maximum time taking care of children

I want change in how when I am pinched, felt or looked at for some hyperactive sex freak’s masturbation in buses and trains, my dear ones would ask me to be quiet, to not raise an alarm, to not be vengeful, to suppress my anger, to look away, to feel as if I am not a human at all

I want change, in how families themselves react when daughters share their fears, problems or concerns, I want change in how society unnecessarily victimizes a person and her family for what she might have had to face, and we havn’t even started thinking for what must happen to men who go through sexual assault and abuse

I want change in how families conveniently forget their sons’ ill doings, I am not against a chance for betterment and repentance, but that is expecting utopia,  they generally unabashedly move on without having been told of or made to realize their mistake let alone punishment, without seeking the forgiveness they automatically received, without having really deserved the second life they organically achieved, with their inflated egos and convoluted minds they conveniently move on. Their mothers and sisters protect them in many cases

I want change in how harassment of men by women is hardly recognized. I want change in how many women interpret feminism as nitpicking, undue criticism and constant nagging

I want change in how I cannot share my sense of humiliation or express my anger on a daily basis because I carry on me the burden of loved ones’ image of self. I really pity on men for they are considered to be absolute jerks who would not know how to think, love, respect and care at all


3 thoughts on “In the demand for change

  1. I totally agree with you on this, Poornima. There is an absolute need for change. And change begins with YOU and ME, not with THEM. Generalizing the whole community just by judging a few is not right according to me; because not all are like that, some are different. There are some who find it ashamed, some who are frustrated, some who are hopeless, some who are disappointed, some who are angry, and some who are calm and working on this CHANGE. Being a boy, I’m aware of the things my race is doing – the good, the bad and the worst. And being among the one who WISH for CHANGE, I totally agree with your every word.
    The message you presented here should be openly shared among the public. Some of the things that you highlighted really need to reach the consciousness of the people who are blindly raging a war against they don’t know who! I would suggest that you publish the same article on some newspapers and magazines, because the world needs to know WHERE THEY HAVE MISSED?!!

    Love & Light,
    Varun K. Sharma

  2. Well thought poornima.. I wish we as a community start thinking is this manner. It will take a lot of notions to break across nations. The world at various levels is still sexist, indeed.

  3. Well worded, Poornima…God bless you! It’s not that men are to blame always…It’s the way the society has given a pre-notioned mindset. We need to change the way we all think – men, women and children. And the process should begin from our offsprings – the little ones in our family, ’cause they are our tomorrow. They’ll be able to carry their ideas to the world at large…So let’s train ourselves to respect all from today, irrespective…Once we do this, it’ll be easy to spread the ‘respectable’ emotion RESPECT across the world around us. Respect feelings, respect instincts, respect needs, respect desires, respect opinions, respect differences, respect equality….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s